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Rules & Frequently Asked Questions

Here you will find a list of frequently asked questions about VaginaPagina.

As always, if there's something your curious about and don't see in this FAQ, don't hesitate to get in touch!

Contents


What is VaginaPagina?

MISSION STATEMENT: Founded in 2001, VaginaPagina is an online community that offers a supportive, progressive, body- and sex-positive environment in which to discuss issues related to female sexual and reproductive health and wellness. It is a unique, empowerment-based safe space that is GLBTQQIA- and kink-friendly. Our goal is to build knowledge and combat misinformation by sharing personal experiences and reliable information from credible sources.

Ready to become a Vulva-Loving Superstar? Awesome! Just be sure you've read and agree to adhere to the Rules. While we carry out the majority of our discussion over in the VaginaPagina LJ community (click here to read more about LiveJournal), you will find most of our resources are located on the VP website. Please note that in order to make posts or comments in the LiveJournal community, you must have a (free) LJ account first. You can also read easy, step-by-step instructions on how to post in an LJ community.

We believe that by being an active participant in VP, you (yes, you!) are taking part in a revolutionary and life-changing project. The proof's in the puddin', y'all. And hey, there really is no such thing as "TMI," so don't be shy!

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What does "VaginaPagina" mean anyway, and how do you pronounce it?

"Página" is Spanish for "page" and "vagina" is Spanish for, well, you get the idea. So technically, this is the Vagina Page.

So if you were to pronounce it the Spanish way, it would go a little something like this: vah-HEE-nah PAH-hee-nah. Most of us just call it "VP" or "VagPag" (prounounced "VadgePadge"). But you can call it whatever you like! We also encourage imaginative pronounciation.

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Who founded VP on LJ? Who runs it? Tell me more!

Rockstarbob founded the LiveJournal community on September 19, 2001. She has been joined in her efforts by a stellar team of Safe Space Maintainers. (Read more about the VP Team and how to contact us here.)

Jaclyn, a comadre and former long-time VP Team member, birthed the original VP Web site back in the day, and still retains ownership of the domain name. Thanks for keeping us up and running, J!

The site design you see now was created in the spring and summer of 2006 by Steven from Sound Designs, with lots of nagging and micromanagement from Bob. His brilliance and hard work were donated to us for free and we are eternally grateful.

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Who does the day-to-day work maintaining the LJ community and Web site?

VP is maintained by the VP Team. The work we do here is unpaid and out of the hope that we can spread the VP revolution all over the world.

The overall design and back-end daily maintenance of the VP.com Web site is done by Steven from Sound Designs, who also works without pay to support the VP cause.

The VP Team would like to thank all those who have ever been a part of the VP Team for their hard work and contributions to the growth and success of the community.

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Can I become a Safe Space Maintainer (SSM) on the VP Team?

Occasionally (mainly due to the stunning and persistent growth of the LJ community), the VP Team puts out a call for applications for new SSMs. Once you've expressed your interest in the position, there is an online interview process you must go through and an extensive mentorship program if you make the cut.

Additionally, sometimes we can use VPers' help in other areas, such as helping us create and revise Vulvapedia entries, helping us to make sure our resources/links are current, or contributing to our monthly news posts. If you're interested in joining us or helping out, watch for relevant announcements and/or get in touch!

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Whom do I contact if there's a problem?

The VP Team is at your disposal. There are three ways to get in touch with us:

  1. Public correspondence (VP on LJ): Make a post in contact_vp.
  2. Public correspondence (VP.com): Make a post in the Administrative & Technical Support Forums.
  3. Private correspondence with the entire VP Team: Email vpteam (at) vaginapagina (dot) com.
  4. Private correspondence with individual Team members: See here for individual email addresses.

While you're welcome to contact us with policy questions and concerns, we ask that you save your actual vagina-esque questions for the VP.com Forums or VP on LJ. (The exception, of course, is if you're requesting that we make an anonymous VP on LJ post for you.)

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Is this medical advice?

This community is meant to give people (especially, but not exclusively, women) a way to network and get support, ideas and resources. It is not in any way meant to be substituted for medical advice/care. It is generally a good idea to see your doctor if you have any concerns. We recognize that doctors don't always listen so well, that they're not always open to natural medicine, or that not everyone has access to medical care; and we're here to help with that.

Please, PLEASE, seek medical attention for serious problems. To find free or discounted health care in your area (U.S. only) go here. You can also click here or the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association Referral Service. (It's a free, web-based referral service that provides information for those looking for LGBT-aware health care providers. You can also restrict your search to kink-aware providers and/or TS-/TG-aware providers.)

Use VP responsibly and at your own risk/empowerment.

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Is VP for women only?

Definitely not! Not every person who uses the term "woman" has a vagina, and not every person who has a vagina identifies as a woman. Our community represents people of all genders and genital configurations, and that's something we appreciate folks keeping in mind when they address the community as a whole.

Also, if you're looking for a sort of "VP for penises," you might want to check out phallicpregunta, VP's brother/sister community on LJ.

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Is VP LGBTQQIA- and kink- friendly?

Absolutely!

If these terms aren't familiar to you, read about what they mean here and here. You may also want to check out our Vulvapedia entry on Inclusion.

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Is there an age limit/minimum to join?

No. And that’s a good thing. Right now, we have members that are teenagers, senior citizens and every age in between. It’s part of what makes VaginaPagina such an effective, unique and revolutionary place. The only catch is that we need to be careful about the images we use in our posts so as to respect LJ's policy on images and minors. This is an all-ages joint, y'all.

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Is it safe to view VP from work/school/church/etc.?

In general yes, but we make no guarantees. We do have a rule that all potentially graphic images must be placed behind an LJ-cut tag with a descriptive warning, and we do our best to enforce that. However, we cannot guarantee that graphic images may not appear on the VP main page for short periods of time.

You may wish to consider adjusting your LJ browse options or configuring your Internet browser while you are at work so that images will not be displayed. Use your own discretion if you view VP at work.

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What about privacy? Just who can see my posts in VP?

Unless you make them friends-only, posts in VP on LJ are visible to anyone -- not only are they visible to non-VP members of LiveJournal, but to random, non-LJ-having folks on the internet.

If you're posting about something sensitive for you, you may wish to make your post friends-only, which means only other members of VP on LJ can see it. We've had some unfortunate incidents in the past that have involved VP posts being linked to from snark communities. Making posts friends-only will prevent anyone who isn't a VP member from seeing your post. This doesn't prevent an unscrupulous VPer from copying and pasting part or all of a post and sharing it in a snark community, but many snark communities (very wisely) have rules that prohibit this (as does VP, of course -- any member who does this will be banned, as discussed here), so it is less likely to happen.

This LJ FAQ item has more information about how to control who reads your journal (and community) entries.

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What is the Vulvapedia? What happened to the Articles and Archives?

The Vulvapedia is a wiki just for VP.

We are using this fabulous tool to streamline our resources and make it easier for VPers to get the information they're looking for. It's a growing resource that we hope will become a reliable, community-based, encyclopedic source of information about all the topics VP covers.

This means that the Articles and Archives from the old Web site have now been merged into Vulvapedia. All of the old information you're used to is still here, just in a new format and with updated links. Vulvapedia is also where we host our Top 5 Most Frequently Asked Questions.

If you'd like to suggest a new topic for Vulvapedia, suggest changes to existing entries, or apply for editing privileges, please let us know.

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Why don't the Memories work in VP on LJ?

The Memories for VP on LJ have been permanently disabled due to their limited functionality. We use LJ tags ans Web site resources (like the Vulvapedia and our Links page) instead to bring you information that is organized, efficient and to-the-point.

If there is a topic/post/resource you'd like to see covered on the Web site, please speak up!

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What are "tags," and how are they used in VP on LJ?

You can access our current list of VP Tags here or in a categorically organized list on the sidebar of the main VP page.

What are tags, you ask? Well, they're basically keywords that you place on an entry to describe what it's about. So, for example, you want to know about urinary tract infections (UTIs). You'd go to the list of tags linked on the sidebar, click "urinary tract infections," and get a list of posts that have all been tagged as being related to UTIs. Click on this link to the LJ FAQ entry on tags to learn more about tags and how they work.

Please note that the tagging system is not a replacement for the Vulvapedia or the other resources on our Web site; rather, tags are designed to complement the systems that are already in place. You should still check the Vulvapedia before posting.

The tags are useful, however, because they're like a quick reference to some of the basic info and personal experiences you might be looking for, and they're an easy way to keep old and new posts linked to one another by key words. In a nutshell, tags are simply another access point for finding information, and that's always a good thing in our book!

To keep the lists of posts related to each tag from getting huge and overwhelming, we only tag selected posts. Tags are now set so that only the VP Team can add or manage them for that reason. If you feel something should be tagged and/or added to the archive, feel free to get in touch!

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How do I become one of VP's affiliate communities?

As you can imagine, VP gets a lot of requests from other LJ communities to link that community as an affiliate on our userinfo page, so we'd like to clarify what criteria VP uses in determining whether to list a particular community as one of our affiliates.

We're looking for communities that are consistent with VP's ideology, are supportive of women, and are related to female physical or emotional health. In addition, we're looking for communities that are established, with a sizable and active member base, who can provide accurate information in a friendly and timely manner. This way, when we refer VPers to those communities, we know they're getting the help they seek.

Even with these guidelines, please understand that we can't list everyone. Over time, we've even trimmed back the communities listed on our userinfo page to include only those to which we refer most often. This allows that list to remain useful to members by not overwhelming them with too much info at once.

Please understand that if we don't choose to affiliate with you, it doesn't mean we don't like you – it may just be an issue of space. We'd encourage you to explore other options for advertising or linking your community, such as the VaginaPagina Forums, femm_comm, and vp_bulletins. Similarly, if you'd like to ask us to list your non-LJ Web site on our Links page, please contact us.

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Where can I go to give feedback about VP?

If you'd like to offer feedback on anything VP-related, you can do so by emailing the VP Team (vpteam @ vaginapagina.com) or by posting in contact_vp.

We ask that you help us keep the main VP boards clear for female sexual and reproductive health issues by sending your feedback through the proper channels.

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What are the rules?

BY JOINING AND/OR PARTICIPATING IN THE COMMUNITY YOU ARE STATING THAT YOU ACCEPT AND AGREE TO ADHERE TO THE RULES LISTED BELOW.

Disclaimer: Making sure everyone is comfortable in VP is very important to us. That said, we can't protect every one of our members from ever being offended or unhappy with the community. Know that we do our best to make sure everyone feels supported and empowered by our rules and the way we enforce them, and that you have the right to expect to be treated with respect in VP. Please understand, however, that this is not infallible, and if you observe anything that appears to be a violation of the rules listed below, please get in touch right away and we will act swiftly.

If you are ever unsure whether or not something is OK to post/comment/etc., you are always more than welcome to ask us.

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What is "Safe Space"? What does "empowerment" mean? What does "accountability" look like?

Safe space and empowerment are the most important aspects of VP, and the VP team works very hard to uphold these ideals in this community. One of the ways that we do this is through a model of accountability, or asking people to be responsible for their words and actions and their (intended or unintended) consequences.

VaginaPagina aims to be a safe space for all members. What does this mean? Basically, a safe space is one where everyone feels welcome, supported, and safe from personal attacks or judgments. This does not mean that members posting to VP will only hear positive things, or that they will not be challenged. It does mean, however, that the VP team expects members to challenge or argue in a constructive, supportive way. Safe space is subjective and it is not infallible, but the VP team will always do their best to make sure that members feel empowered and safe/comfortable, and posters should know that they have our support. In cases when a user's words might make VP unsafe for others (or even themselves), the Safe Space Maintainers may issue warnings that explain why what a poster said is not in the spirit of safe space.

VP promotes empowerment (not judgment) as a model by which we can learn to help each other. See the following, excerpted/modified from Woman-Centered Advocacy, published by the PCADV in 2005.

Empowerment and VP's goals are one and the same.

Empowerment in VP Means:
  • Helping members think about their situations, to realize they are not alone and that others have had similar experiences.
  • Helping members figure out what they want.
  • Sharing knowledge.
  • Organizing a group of women (and other sorts of people) as a support and advocacy network for one another and stepping aside when they are ready to take ownership and leadership.
  • Being honest; our lives are not perfect either. Offering your own experience if relevant.
  • Giving members the help and information they need to do things for themselves.
  • Offering resources--who, what, when, where, how.
  • Being respectful of members' decisions. All members need to feel comfortable with their own decisions. Especially where decisions of a sensitive nature are concerned, it's important to accept that choices have been made and to offer comments that support those choices rather than undermine them.
  • Expressing interest and concern for members.
  • Realizing and building on the commonality of women's experiences while still recognizing the differences and diversity of women as well.


More on Empowerment: Filling in the Blanks:
  • Empowerment also means avoiding phrasing comments in a way that is inherently judgmental, such as, "If you __________, then you shouldn't be having sex."

While your intent may be to be looking out for the OP's physical or emotional health, the wording of the comment substitutes your judgment -- on who should be having sex, for example -- for the OP's, and ultimately, this does not respect a VP member's personal decision. If you do feel concerned that the OP may be unprepared to make certain choices, there is a way to suggest that in a more empowering manner. For instance, instead of saying:

If you're too nervous to get an STD test, then you shouldn't be having sex.

You could write something that empowers the OP to make informed reproductive health choices, like this:

Regular STI testing is an important part of maintaining sexual and reproductive health. Is there anything in particular that makes you uncomfortable about getting an STI test? If so, perhaps we can give you some information that will calm those fears.

This still communicates your concerns to the OP, but does so in a way that both respects her choices and provides her with information. This way, your words are much more likely to have a positive impact on the OP. Voicing your concerns, however genuine, in a way that is disrespectful or judgmental is unlikely to produce any positive results.

  • Often times, people say, "I'm not trying to be ____, but..." when in fact they are being ____, whether they mean to or not.
  • Another example is "No offense, but _______." In VP, the best rule of thumb is if you think what you are going to say might be offensive, don't say it. If the poster really needs to hear it, find another way to say it. If you can't figure out a way to say it without violating that user's safe space, it's okay to sit back.

We only ask that if you find yourself wanting to say something like, "Not to be (e.g. judgmental, yelling, telling you what to do, callous, offensive, etc.), but..." you consider why your comment might seem that way to others, and edit what you have to say so that your intention is clearer and doesn't need the added qualification to avoid potential misunderstandings.


When Safe Space is violated, that's where accountability comes in. Here's a little more about what accountability means and why it is so important.

"Accountability means being responsible to oneself and each other for our own words. It means entering a space with good intentions but understanding that we all screw up and need to accept responsibility for our mistakes. It means being OK with and open to being called out. It means acknowledging when others are triggered and when we feel pain and working to learn and grow from this experience. And it requires something incredibly difficult, a trust in those we share a space with that their intentions are good, that they mean well just like we do, that we are all in a process of learning and growing and that making mistakes is part of how this happens." (Jos, "There Are No Safe Spaces")

Often in VP, accountability comes in the form of comments from other posters, or even Safe Space Warnings. We hope that if you recieve this sort of feedback you can understand it in the spirit in which it is intended. We see SSWs as part of an investment in the culture of our community. It's because of the trust we have built up (through safe space and empowerment) that we call people on the hurtful things they say. In turn, we expect that people are willing to hear why what they said is hurtful and to adjust how they interact with VP in the future. That's accountability.

We encourage you to keep the above in mind as you participate in the VP community (and revolution!). These goals and this approach are key to our ability to ensure a non-judgmental safe space for everyone.

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Safe Space Warnings: What They Are & Why We Give Them

The maintainer team issues safe space warnings when all or part of a comment violates our policy on safe space. Safe space warnings are explanations of why particular comments aren't okay in VP. They're intended to educate individual members as well as to remind all readers about the community's standards and guidelines for commenting.

Though it can be upsetting or angering to receive a safe space warning, they are not intended to punish. They're also not, generally speaking, part of any "countdown to banning" policy -- though as we state here we reserve the right to do so in the case of sustained or particularly egregious safe space violations.

The following list is not exhaustive, but it gives some common instances where the VP Team issues safe space warnings:

  • Personal attacks or judgments, including name calling, rather than voicing constructive or respectful disagreement.
  • Judging someone else's personal sexual choices -- Whether it's calling someone "irresponsible" for not using a condom, "paranoid" for using four forms of contraception, "slutty" for having ten sexual partners, or "prudish" for wanting to have only one, the basic point is that people's personal sexual decisions should be respected even if they're not the same choices you'd make for yourself.
  • Any actions that may also result in banning.


If you receive a safe space warning, we first encourage you to read through the relevant section of the rules and FAQ, which will be linked in the warning itself. After doing this, if you'd still like to discuss the warning, you're welcome to do so via email or contact_vp.

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Things that can get you banned from VP

Banning isn't something we like to do, but it does happen sometimes. Below is a list of things that could get you banned. Please keep in mind that the decision to ban (or not) is a subjective one, and is based on many factors. If you ever have questions about our banning-related decisions, feel free to talk to us about it!

We've decided to enact a one-month ban, wherein banned members may appeal a ban after one month. The VP team will decide subjectively based on that discussion whether to allow the member back in. We feel that this will help enforce VP's rules while still allowing for a learning environment in which people who have made mistakes will have the opportunity to learn from them.

Things That Get You Banned in VP:
  • Flaming, trolling, and/or spamming.
  • Receiving one (or more) safe space warning(s). Usually, you won't be banned for a single SSW, but we reserve the right to ban you if we feel your infraction is severe enough/amounts to trolling/etc.
  • Constantly purveying misinformation despite repeated warnings.
  • Repeated victim blaming.
  • Linking VP posts in other journals or communities in ways that purposefully "borrow trouble" and/or invite controversy/drama. If we find evidence of deliberately publicizing a VP post in a journal or community only to invite others to troll/ridicule VPers, you will be banned from the community without notice.
  • Being judgmental, mean-spirited or insulting. It is possible to challenge someone (respectfully, of course), in a way that empowers without being judgmental. For example, if you notice a VP member has posted about several pregnancy scares, empowerment would be making a supportive comment that includes links to information about how to more consistently prevent pregnancy scares; being judgmental would be suggesting she's stupid or irresponsible for having those scares in the first place. Make sure your comments are constructive.
  • Protesting VP policies or the VP team in VP posts, rather than through the appropriate channels. This disrupts the regular flow of information in the community, and invites drama and negativity. If you want to talk policy, do it in contact_vp or via email; don't hijack someone else's post.
  • Posting or commenting in VP only to incite drama or negativity rather than to tactfully share information (see more about tact below).


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Things that make VP say YAY!

Below are some things that make us very happy to see.

Things That Make VP say YAY!
  • Giving accurate information in the spirit of being helpful.
  • Respectfully disagreeing with or challenging other members (the operative word here is RESPECTFULLY).
  • Empowering other members to get the information they need to take care of themselves.
  • Being tactful and refraining from name calling or insults.
  • Using non-gendered greetings in order to be respectful and inclusive of all VP members.
  • Putting images, potentially long posts, and material that may be triggering behind an LJ-cut tag with descriptive text so people know what they're getting into before they click.
  • Using descriptive subject lines.
  • Leaving abortion debate-inspiring posts in other more relevant LJ communities (or in the VP.com Forums).
  • Leaving comments turned on and visible rather than deleting or screening.
  • Having comments to your post emailed to you. This way, if the VP Team needs to leave a request or a deletion notice, you'll receive it in a timely manner. Further, doing this ensures that you're not missing any important information, even if your post gets deleted.
  • Using proper netiquette.
  • Being 18 or older if you post photos of your vulva. Some members find it helpful to post photos of their vulvas when seeking feedback, etc., which is OK as long as you're a legal adult.
  • Holding yourself and others accountable.
  • Contacting us with your questions and concerns about how the community operates (as opposed to hijacking someone's post in VP on LJ to tell us how you feel).


The bottom line: Empowerment + Tact = Safe Space and a very happy VP!

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Are there any rules/guidelines about icon usage?

What's the bottom line about icon usage on VP? The bottom line is that the VP Team does not police icons for safe space violationsl however, members are welcome to respond to comments or posts that contain triggering or otherwise inappropriate icons to politely request the commenter (or poster) not use that icon in VP.

For specifics, read here.

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What about macros? Does VP have a policy regarding their use?

We ask VP members to communicate carefully, thoughtfully, and with respect. Image macros can't do that, and they often communicate their messages in snarky or dismissive ways. For that reason, and to avoid having a bunch of images cluttering up the comments on a page, we don't allow them.

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What is VP's policy on graphic images?

At VP, our goal is to facilitate the open sharing of body-positive ideas and reproductive health information. Included in this goal is the belief that all people have the right to access realistic images of the female body, in all of its wonderfully diverse shapes, sizes and qualities.

We also recognize that readers and members will want to choose whether they view graphic images. For this reason, we ask that posts containing images be placed behind LJ-cut tags with descriptive warnings. We also encourage all commenters to link to a graphic image, with an appropriate description of the image's content, rather than posting the image directly into their comment.

However, in the spirit of promoting a positive, educational, and realistic awareness of the female body, the VP Team will not censor images that do appear in comments, provided they are relevant to the community and the discussion.

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I'm under 18; can I post a photo of my vulva to get help with a health problem?

VP is bound to adhere to Livejournal's rules regarding images of minors, which can be found in this LJ FAQ item:

Regardless of the purpose of your community, all community maintainers are responsible for verifying that any individual posting images of him- or herself is over the age of 18 if any of the images being posted contain full or partial nudity, or are designed to arouse, provoke, or otherwise sexually stimulate a viewer. Any image of someone under the age of 18 who is nude or semi-nude, or designed to arouse, can qualify as child pornography and is not permitted on LiveJournal's servers. If your community is designed for users to post pictures of themselves, you must make sure that you follow these restrictions.

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What is VP's position on abortion/reproductive freedom?

VaginaPagina as a body does not take a stance on abortion/reproductive freedom, or on any other controversial issues for that matter. It's not that we don't all have our own personal opinions, but political biases aren't what we're about. We're about health and access to information.

What does that mean for your abortion-related post? Abortion support/resource questions, personal abortion stories, and most other abortion-related topics are all very welcome in VP on LJ; the same goes for questions about other aspects of reproductive freedom. However, debates about these issues will be referred to more relevant LJ communities or to the "Politics" area of the VP.com Forums.

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What qualifies as abortion debate?

Any topic which has only or primarily political ramifications, rather than personal ones, can be considered a potential source of debate and will be deleted. This includes topics about news events regarding abortion law, posts making a call to action regarding abortion activism (either pro-choice or pro-life), or anything else that is not personal and may be considered potentially inflammatory.

We want VP to be a safe space for women to share their experiences, knowledge, and awareness about all aspects of reproductive health, and that includes abortion. So if a woman is considering an abortion, or has recently had one, we want this to be an empowering place for her to find support and share information and advice with other members.

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How does this apply to comments?

As with any topic in VP, we celebrate every comment that promotes informed discussion about reproductive health. However, comments that do not adhere to our safe space policy will receive a safe space warning. This policy applies equally to all viewpoints on abortion. For instance, we would issue safe space warnings in both of the following circumstances:

  • A member posts asking for advice about her upcoming abortion. Another member comments with the following: "Don't have an abortion! How could you kill your baby like that?"
  • A member posts asking for help. She recently learned she was pregnant, and she is terrified. She would like to know about her options… however, she expresses that she does not believe in abortion. Another member comments with, "You should just have an abortion... it's just a fetus, not a baby."

In both of these hypothetical situations, the commenter is pushing a personal viewpoint that is unsupportive, unhelpful, and unnecessarily negative towards the woman's beliefs and experiences. Both comments would be warned, even though they come from different ends of the abortion spectrum.

The concept of empowerment is a key part of this community. We love the fact that our members are intelligent people with diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and experiences. We wouldn't have it any other way! We just want to ensure that while we celebrate our diversity, we are respectful of each other as well.

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Why can't I use the term "clean" to mean "STI-free"?

By saying "my partner and I were tested for STIs and STDs and we were both clean," you inadvertently imply that the many of us who may indeed have STIs/STDs are “dirty”. That's not OK, and will result in a safe space warning and a request to edit your post/comment so it says "STI-free" or something else along those lines.

Of course, we don't have a problem with the words "dirty" or "clean" in and of themselves; in other contexts, we like them! Talking dirty is fun, for example. However, using "clean" to mean STI-free in this particular context often furthers harmful stereotypes (it's all about context). There is an underlying (and often unspoken) perception that only dirty, promiscuous people contract sexually transmitted infections (which couldn't be further from the truth). By using the term "clean" in relation to STIs, this awful stereotype is validated. In this community we strive to empower and educate people and we feel strongly that language and the impact it can have plays a large role in this goal.

NOTE: A similar rule goes along with using words like "gay" or "retarded" to mean things like "stupid." We ask that you please refrain from using those words in that negative context in VP, since it promotes negative stereotypes and alienates many members of the community.

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Does VP have any policies regarding posts about sexual assault?

Sexual abuse/assault is a topic that comes up with some frequency and because of that, the VP Team has done its best to make sure those who have experienced sexual assault feel safe talking about their experiences in VP.

Because of this concern for survivors, posts seeking resources and support for survivors of sexual assault are welcome in VP. However, if your primary purpose is a theoretical, abstract discussion or debate about an aspect of sexual assault in general, we ask that you take your post elsewhere.

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Things to Consider before Posting to VP about Your Sexual Assault

VP is particularly concerned with protecting and supporting members who come to this community to discuss their assaults. We aim to empower members to make the most informed choices possible, and this is especially true when it comes to posting about sexual assault (SA). If you are considering posting in VP about your assault, there are a few things we'd like to share with you first:

Food for Thought:
  • VP is an empowerment-based safe space, which means that victim blaming is not allowed. The VP Team will do its best to make sure you feel safe and supported in the community. If you ever feel attacked, unsafe, or just uncomfortable, please let us know and we will do our best to act swiftly. That said, however, since VB is so rampant in society, we want to let you know that it can occur in VP from time to time. In fact, it's one of our trickiest applications of safe space. We do our best to both prevent it and educate people about it, but one of the side effects is that we may end up discussing posts outside of their original contexts (sometimes via email or in contact_vp). You may wish to consider this possibility as you are choosing what and where to post.
  • While VP will always welcome and support those who choose to share their SA stories with us, there are communities specifically designed to deal with sexual assault, and you may feel most comfortable posting in those places. VP has formed an alliance with _survivors_ and we strongly encourage you to consider posting there instead of (or in addition to) VP. Although VP passionately supports survivors of sexual assault, we are still a large community with a broad topic range that may not be best suited for providing long-term support. Our alliance with _survivors_ is therefore designed to offer a space where the community is smaller, close-knit, shares VP's ideals, and allows survivors of SA to post to a specifically-focused safe space where they will have access to the most resources.
  • If you do choose to post to VP regarding sexual assault, please be aware of any triggering material in your post and use a descriptive LJ-cut tag if your post may be triggering to other survivors.
  • Because victim blaming is such a widespread social problem, sometimes even VPers with the best of intentions can inadvertently engage in it. You may wish to leave a prominent disclaimer in your post to help commenters focus on what sort of feedback you're looking for. Of course, this step is by no means necessary--just an added precaution you may wish to take based on what makes you most comfortable. Here is a sample:
Note to commenters: I'd like to make it clear that I'm posting here for support and information, with the understanding that this is a safe space. I'm not asking for personal opinions on what happened (including whether or not what happened was rape or whether I should report it). Your help and support are very much appreciated, however. Thanks so much for understanding!
  • Finally, we plan to leave screened comments for the OPs of SA posts, sharing the basics that are outlined here. That way, SA OPs who haven't yet read our entire ginormous FAQ can still have a chance to make informed choices about what and where to post.

Good luck, and if you have any questions before you post, get in touch. We wish you support and healing.

NOTE: If you are currently in crisis, we encourage you to visit our Crisis Center.

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Things to Consider when Responding to Posts about Sexual Assault

As a VP reader, you may encounter posts from time to time about sexual assault (SA). There are a few things we'd like everyone to please keep in mind when responding to posts about SA:

Food for Thought:
  • Remember that VP is an empowerment-based safe space, and that victim blaming is not allowed. Keep it respectful, and remember that the person posting may be in pain and/or crisis, and she needs our support. How we respond to OPs in these situations can have a profound effect on the recovery process (yes, even though it's "just the Internet").
  • Posts about sexual assault are especially not the place to judge the OP's decisions or actions. If you feel that the OP made decisions that led to her assault, we ask that you resist the temptation to hit the "Post Comment" button. We're here to empower and support; telling someone she "shouldn't have gotten so drunk" or "shouldn't have let it go that far before saying 'no'" is in direct opposition to VP's empowerment-based safe space. The only person responsible for sexual assault is the person who committed the crime.
  • If a VPer has identified her experience as rape, we ask members to accept that definition. Every person has the right to define her own experiences, and a post describing an assault is not an open forum for judgment. If you find yourself feeling the need to tell the OP that you don't think she is correct in identifying her experience as rape, remember that VP is not the place to say it.
  • The decision to press charges is one that is solely up to each individual survivor. Telling a victim of sexual assault that it is her responsibility to press charges, and/or suggesting that by not pressing charges she will be somehow to blame for any future assaults perpetrated by an attacker is neither helpful, logical or empowering. There are a host of completely valid reasons why a victim of sexual assault might choose not to press charges. We ask that you keep in mind that the only person responsible for a sexual assault is the person who commits it; therefore, if you feel the need to tell the OP of an SA post that she has a civic responsibility to press charges, we ask that you resist commenting to say so. (You can read more about this here.)

To conclude, VP is a place where folks should feel comfortable talking about all sorts of vulva-/vagina-related topics, and we can't think of anything more sensitive in that topic range than sexual assault. So the bottom line is simple: If you feel the urge to post a comment that might contradict VP's policies on victim blaming, empowerment or safe space, we ask that you step away from the computer.

Additional resources for how to respond to SA victims/survivors can be found here:

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What is "victim blaming" and why is it not allowed in VP?

Simply put, victim blaming is putting the blame or responsibility for the assault on the victim instead of on the perpetrator of the crime, where it belongs.

Some ways to (inadvertently or otherwise) suggest it was the victim's fault are by saying:

  • the victim should have worn different clothing
  • the victim should not have drunk alcohol or consumed drugs
  • the victim should not have been in a certain place at a certain time with certain people
  • it is the victim's civic responsibility to press charges (read more here)

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VP's Stance on Victim Blaming

Regardless of whether or not you think a person used poor judgment in a certain situation, no one deserves or asks to be raped. We do not tolerate victim blaming.

The Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape tells us that "Unless you have been victimized by sexual violence, you may not be able to understand a victim's feelings. And even then, not all victims react or feel the same. [...] A person who blames a victim for a sexual assault probably has never been a victim or known anyone who has, But anyone can be a victim of sexual violence."

Here's an analogy: If a man walks down the street wearing expensive clothing and is violently mugged, no one would tell him he should have worn something different that day or, worse yet, that he deserved it. Rape is the only violent crime for which it is widely acceptable to place at least part of the blame on the victim/survivor. Rather than questioning the victim, we should be questioning the perpetrator--the one person who can claim full responsibility for the crime. No matter what a person wears, drinks, does, etc., no one ever deserves to be raped--ever. No. Matter. What. Period. Here are some anonymous comments from survivors about this phenomenon (we have their permission to share their quotes):

  • "Being raped should not be a consequence of drinking."
  • "People treat you like the bad guy ... like, if something like this happened to you, you must have been somewhere you shouldn't have been, doing something you should have been doing. Don't they understand it's his fault, not mine?!!"
  • "[Because of victim blaming] I now understand why victims don't report or back out if they have."

Oftentimes members will post comments that are truly in the spirit of being helpful, but still blame the victim. For example: "I feel bad for what happened to you, but maybe next time you shouldn't stay out late and party like that or you will only be taken advantage of; women have to be more careful." Comments like those, however well intentioned, still serve to blame the victim, which only hurts us all in the long run.

Here at VP we strive to re-educate people about these sorts of things, so if you see what looks like a victim-blaming comment, please contact us and we'll handle it right away. Our priority is to re-educate when we can (how else can we change things?), but sometimes banning is necessary when there are serious violations of our empowerment based safe space policy.

This issue is particularly urgent because statistics tell us that in every 3 women will be a victim of sexual assault in her lifetime. Consider the many thousands of members in our community and do the math.

What's more, studies have shown that how well/quickly a survivor can go through the healing process often depends on the reaction of the first person s/he tells about the assault. PCAR reminds us, "your response can mean the difference between a quick road to recovery or years of trauma and anguish for the victim." It is likely that many people on VP are talking for the first time about what happened to them, so it's especially important to take care in how we respond to those kinds of posts. A note to those of you who may have experienced sexual violence: If you survived, you did the right thing. It wasn't your fault.

Click here for crisis resources in your area.

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What is misinformation and why does it matter in VP?

The VP Team feels very strongly that people need to get the most accurate information available in response to their questions. Whenever we see inaccurate information being offered we make a comment providing the factual information and some resources backing up the information provided.

We absolutely value personal opinions and experiences, and sharing those things is part of the essence of VP. However, because this is a community where getting accurate information is extremely important, we ask that opinions and personal experience be very clearly framed as such, and not presented as fact. Also, if you're not sure of your facts, please research before posting about them – inaccurate “facts” could do serious harm.

We also feel strongly that it's vital for people to have the tools they need to make educated decisions; so they can weed out misinformation on their own. With that, we'd like to offer this guide on determining the reliability of information.

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Can I share or sell HBC or other prescription medications on VP?

In a word, no.

Allowing someone other than yourself to use medications prescribed to you comes with certain legal and practical risks. According to the US FDA's Prescription Drug Marketing Act, "Under the PDMA... an unauthorized distributor cannot legally resell prescription drugs."

In addition, as the North Carolina Board of Pharmacy and American University explain, allowing others to use medications not prescribed for them may unknowingly place them at risk for adverse effects from that medication. Because we care about the safety of our members, we ask that you not sell, give away, or share prescription medications through VP.

We do realize that some VP members are outside of the United States and that laws vary from country to country; however, since VP and LJ are both US-based, we have chosen to use US law to guide our policy.

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What about selling other stuff in VP, like menstrual cups or fun vagina-related paraphernalia?

While we have a section over in the VP.com forums where members can share and trade items, offering items for sale (as opposed to offering them for free or in exchange for other items) is not permitted in VP on LJ or in the forums.

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What about fundraising?

To protect our members and readers, we do not allow posts requesting funds or donations in VP. Fundraising posts tied to well-known, reputable organizations are allowed over in vp_bulletins, so if you have a fundraiser that fits those criteria that you'd like to promote, please contact us for approval to post it there. Fundraising posts in VP on LJ will be deleted.

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VP's Courtesy Checklist for Posting

  • Check the Vulvapedia, scan the tags, and do a quick Google search to see if you can answer your question on your own.
  • Leave comments turned on and have them emailed to you.
  • Consider whether you've made your word choice inclusive. VP is a place for women, but it's not only for women, so it's nice if your language reflects that.
  • Include a descriptive subject line for your post. This makes your post distinctive so that people who need to find it again, whether that's you or someone else, can do so quickly.
  • Format your post to be VP-friendly: Use a descriptive LJ-cut for any images, use standard font size and color -- which makes it easier for everyone to read, and avoid the use of netspeak.


These may seem like little things, but in a community the size of VP, they're important. All of these "little things" work together to make sure VPers get the answers and responses they need.

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What are frequent topics and how can I avoid posting one?

If your question is directly answered by one of the "Top 5 FAQs" linked from the VP on LJ sidebar, then you can count on your post being deleted so we can make room for other queries on the main VP page.

TIP: To avoid deletion, always check the Vulvapedia before you post!

For a quick and easy reference, here are the Top 5:

VaginaPagina's Top 5 FAQs:


NOTE: Whenever the VP Team deletes a post in the LJ community, we always leave a comment that explains the reason behind the deletion. We recommend that you enable the LJ option that allows comments to be sent to you via email to be sure you receive these notifications. Or, you can also go here to find out how to edit or delete your own entry if you happen to catch it before someone else does.

If you're still not sure, try exploring the various search options on the main VaginaPagina page, or run your query by us before posting in VP.

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What is an off-topic or out-of-context post?

While the VP.com forums have room for plenty of things that would normally be considered off topic in VP on LJ, in the LJ community, it is important to stay on topic. Our focus there is simple: female sexual and reproductive health.

We realize that this can sound like a broad topic, but that doesn't mean that anything goes. Please take the time to be sure the relevance of your post is made clear. Specific queries related to sex, sexuality, female reproductive organs, etc., are fine; posts about general health concerns, however, would be better directed elsewhere and will likely be deleted. A woman talking about her health concerns is different than talking about women's health concerns, after all.

Some examples of off-topic posts that, should they appear in VP on LJ, will be deleted and redirected to the VP.com Forums or to other relevant communities on LJ, such as WomenHealth:

  • "I have dry skin on my legs, what should I do?"
  • "Lately I've been feeling tired and coughing a lot, what could cause that?"
  • "I want to lose weight safely. What tips do you have?"

Examples of on-topic women's health questions that would definitely be appropriate for VP on LJ:

  • "Lately my sex drive isn't what it used to be because of XYZ factors; what can I do to fix it?"
  • "My partner and I want to try fisting/anal play/group sex/XYZ, etc. Has anyone done this before? Are there any health risks?"
  • "I just found out I have endometriosis and am wondering how this will affect my sexual health. What are your experiences? Can you point me in the direction of any quality literature on the topic?"

An out-of-context post is one that does not frame the information in such a way that makes it appropriate, useful or meaningful for community members. With so many members, we simply can't have everyone posting one-liners about how much they love/hate their periods, etc. If you want to talk about how you feel about your period, then REALLY DO IT. Go in depth, engage your readers, be introspective and/or analytical. Make us want to read it! Don't waste everyone's visual space with contextless one-liners.

Examples of out-of-context posts:

  • Self-promotion or promotion of other LiveJournal communities or Web sites. (You can promote communities instead in community_promo.) We also have a space specifically designed, in part, for on-topic promotion, over at vp_bulletins. If you have something you'd like to promote in VP, contact us first to ask if it's okay.
  • Random, context-less links or images (It's okay to include a link or an image, but please say what it is and why you're posting it – make it a discussion starter!)
  • Random, celebratory/ranty posts (These are posts that simply say things like “I'm on my period – yay/boo!” We feel your joy/pain, but there are better places for that.)
  • Announcing that you are joining/leaving the community (With thousands upon thousands of members coming [so to speak] and going as they please, there's simply no room for this sort of thing.)

Off-topic and out-of-context posts are always deleted in VP on LJ.

NOTE: As with frequent topics, if the VP Team deletes an off-topic or out-of-context post, we'll leave a notice explaining our reasoning. If you're not sure whether something is on topic for the community, you're certainly welcome to contact us before posting.

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Can I post quiz results or polls?

Please save the quiz results for your private journal. We know they can be fun, but they aren't welcome in VP.

Polls must be pre-approved by the VP Team before being posted in the LJ community. Please get in touch if you'd like to talk to us about approving your poll! (The rules are more flexible about this over in the VP.com forums, by the way.)

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What about surveys for class or other academic help?

VP is not the place to get homework help; please take your survey to a more appropriate venue.

For posts involving academic projects, we ask that you contact us and receive approval prior to posting in VP.

Additionally, we ask that you keep VP's purpose as a women's sexual health community in mind when providing the context for your question. Framing your post in such a way that it promotes genuine and on topic discussion will help maximize its benefit to all members of the community.

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Can I make an introductory post about myself in VP?

Sure, but please do it here. While you're there, you can also feel free to put yourself on VP's very own Frappr map!

We want to know all about you for sure, but we have to have consideration for what all those intro posts do to our many members' Friends Pages. That's why we keep your intros organized in one place--plus, it's a nice way to have everything together so we can go back whenever we want and read about each other.

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Can I promote other communities and websites in VP?

VP on LJ has its own community designed, in part, specifically for promoting related communities. If you have a community you'd like to promote, we invite you to post it to vp_bulletins. Because VP is such a large community, however, we ask that anyone wishing to promote an LJ community in VP itself contact us to receive approval before doing so.

On the VP website, we do consider link exchanges with other websites, but we want to make sure those sites are closely aligned with VP's philosophy and focus. We look for sites that are body- and sex-positive, that are based on empowerment and accurate information, and that are targeted to female sexual and reproductive health and wellness. In addition, for business sites (such as adult toy stores), we may look for sites with which VP members have personal experience.

Please consider this information when contacting us with a link request.

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Can I post/comment anonymously?

Because of VP's safe space policy, our members generally feel comfortable and safe posting even their most intimate questions/experiences.

That said, however, if you would feel more comfortable posting your experience/query anonymously, simply email your request (with the accompanying post text) to a VP Team member and she will happily post it on your behalf (either in VP on LJ or in the VP.com forums, your choice!) without mentioning your name. Scout's honor.

While we're happy to post your anonymous requests to VP on LJ, we are unable to personally answer female sexual health questions via email.

Another option for added security would be to use a dummy account (or sock puppet account) to make your post. You might also consider simply using the "friends-only" filter when you make your post to the community -- that doesn't make your post anonymous, but it does restrict access only to VP members.

In the interests of Safe Space, we have disabled anonymous posting in VP on LJ, and only registered users may participate in the VP.com forums.

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